Yoga or the Grave
As the night falls and the bright beams of the September SuperMoon creeps through the mold stained window; silence, amplifies the echo of my bitter heartbeat. I can hear the blood splash against the back of my heart, as I choke on the double river of tears that flow down the sides of my Yoga Mat. Uncontrollable sobbing muffles out what must be my voice as I give thanks for this being the last Moon that will ever be allowed to slice my weak, vulnerable heart, in half, again.
We are all like the moon, we still have our darker side- Kahill Gibran
The Half-Century mark on Planet Earth has proven time and time again that no one is going to show up for me. No one has ever fought for me. In my darkest hours, the Floor had become the only recurrent theme that I could ever depend upon. I have never been loved by a hand that has touched me. And, if love is not supposed to hurt, or have a hidden agenda, then I have never experienced real love, anyway.
Madness Takes Its Toll~ Rocky Horror
“She is in the latter stages of dying,” said the Hospice Angel that assisted me the day my Mom passed over. Those words will haunt my soul forever. On September 5th 2010, and after a long hard battle with Alzheimer’s, I held my Mother’s hand as she took her last breath. I fixed her hair, painted her eyebrows, and applied her favorite lipstick and sent her on her way in a shiny new Cadillac. My Mega-Virgo Mother died on her 75th birthday and she always wanted a white Cadillac. I am sure this is not what she intended.
Don’t die with your music still in you~ Wayne Dyer
My parents were Chiron in Aries babies. This is the generation that built America and made it great: the workhorses of our Nation that inspired mass production, Erik Erikson, and the Fear-Based society that we live in today. At least the Society they created, worked for their generation but the lasting results are yet to be determined.
In their defense, after The Great Depression, World War II, Korea, and then, Vietnam, survival and beating the odds of poverty would be the only thing in my Third Eye, as well. Unfortunate, flight or fight is the only thing I have ever known and the only thing that has kept me alive. It serves no one.
I knew nothing but shadows and I thought them to be real~ Oscar Wilde
Stubborn, slow, and asleep, I was raised through the fear of Fire and Brimstone. I studied, The Book, and could quote it as good as anyone. As, time went on, and puberty kicked in, I began to notice that all these quotes of Goodness, Mortality, Integrity, and Grace where just words in a book and not really anything that was ever practiced. I became the Rebel Without a Clue and knew I did not belong. I always knew that I was different than anyone I have ever met; especially, the family that I was born into. But, now the proof was in the Scripture that they used to judge me and I would not be quite. The older I became, and their skeletons began to fall out of the closet, I realize that my whole life has been based on a falsehood that my parents created because, ‘What would the neighbors think?’
A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort~ Gillian Flynn
After the death of my Mother and my remaining family threw me and my kids on the street, it was only then that I seen everything for the reality that has always been so apparent. I have always known who these people were but I was told to shut-up. My whole life I have had to be quite.
Repressed emotions manifest as physical ailments, typically, but some of us suffer, mentally. Especially, when you are Psychic.
I woke up
Since, I have been displaced many times and through many hard lessons, because the Universe was not done teaching me, I had to endure a few more heartbreaks, and shady people. And, when I reached rock-bottom I had to call the people that put me there in the first place. God has a sense of humor.
January 1 2014, I dedicated my life to God. Not the God that I learned about in Sunday School but the God I come to understand as Unconditional Love. Regardless of the Book you read, or the building that you enter, it is all the same God. After having to drive Coast-to-Coast just to prevent living on the streets, I have come to the understanding that Spirituality is not the candy-coated magic carpet ride that I have prayed about. Bless Elizabeth Gilbert but I have lived the Ghetto version of Eat, Pray, Love.
Spirituality teaches us to not take these events personally.
Letting unfortunate events rule, or ruin, your life, serves no purpose. It is through the Law of Attraction that you draw these lessons into your existence; especially, when you do not ask for things in your best intent, The Universe delivers whatever is currently available and, sadly, what is currently available, in abundance, is fear. Be very specific in your intentions.
If you want The Universe to show up for you, you must show up for it, first.
Since that fateful Moonlit night, I am not the same person. Although my DNA was once saturated in a fear-based reality, I refuse to sink. I go to Church everyday but my place of worship is located on the Yoga Mat. I take care of myself to the best of my ability using the resources that are available. I am committed to live the rest of my life in Integrity and helping others who do not know where to turn. We are all God’s people and we were not created to suffer. Buddha says, ‘Attachment is the root to all suffering.’ and my fellow humans are suffering.
A woman should never have to look at her child and say, ‘I am sorry but I have no food to feed you.’ Trust me, it does not feel good. So, I show up even when I do not feel like it because when I don’t The Universe reminds me, quickly. And, I am going to show up in hopes I never have to walk this Planet, again. But, if they send me back here, I at least gave it my best shot with the tools I have been handed. I sleep at night knowing that I have never intentionally hurt; anyone, and if I have I am sorry. I have forgiven all trust- passes against me and for the things I cannot control, I have to give those to God. There are a few things I just cannot fix.
I show up every day on my pretty purple Yoga Mat because I know my Soul demands Yoga or the Grave.
